Some of my favorite holidays are birthdays! Birthdays are a day of celebration, mixed emotions, and lots of hugs! This past week, I turned 20. It was such a sweet day, but nevertheless, birthdays always make me oddly emotional. A day full of my favorite things and people, but there is always a sad undertone. I always get upset each year when I’m not extremely happy on my “big” day. I always wonder why I feel somewhat sad on that day. I think those feelings come from a place of reminiscing or disbelief that I am another year older and my time is running out or maybe I’m sad because selfishly, I want every day to be my birthday.
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| Maa and I on our birthday in 2013 |
My birthday has always been shared with my great-grandmother, Maa and my uncle, Jody. I've always thought it was the coolest thing, because everything had to align so perfectly so that all 3 of us would share a birthday. Maa was one of the sweetest ladies ever; She was my favorite person to share a birthday with. We always had pink parties because it was our favorite color. I thought it was so unique because my entire family would come to celebrate us, and not many people got to share that occasion with Maa. But in reality, they were coming to celebrate her. I knew growing up that I only had limited birthdays with her but didn't realize my 19th would be my last. In January of this year she passed away. This year was definitely strange without her but I know she is celebrating with Jesus and it was probably her best birthday yet.
Each birthday, my favorite thing I do is journal about the events that happened over the past year and write about all the ways I’ve grown. My 19th year was full of ups and downs but overall, I’ve become a more positive, selfless and loving person. I think it’s important to journal throughout the year and create a book full of memories to reflect on later in life. I think that journaling allows for room to uncover emotions and think about how we actually feel.
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| my roommates surprised me with a cake!! |
In addition to writing a new journal entry, I also like to go back and read my old journals to reminisce about the times that got me to where I am now. On Tuesday, when I was thinking about my birthday, I discovered that birthdays are sad for me because of how sweet they are. Everybody in your life celebrates you and makes you feel so loved but the next day it ends and you have to wait 364 more days to feel that special again. In some ways, I’m thankful to feel so celebrated only once a year. It's almost overwhelming but so encouraging to be so loved. Although, I was thinking that we should celebrate the people around us better. Each day they should feel loved and celebrated, maybe not as much as on their birthday but enough so that their birthday isn’t as overwhelming. I think it would be sweet to surprise the people around us with cakes and cards throughout the year. Wouldn’t it mean more to someone to get a surprise card on a random day than a day that is dedicated to them?? So for my 20th year, I plan on loving the people around me like each day is their birthday. I want to be intentional to make sure they are loved and celebrated well during the mundane days and the big ones. I want them to hear that my love for them is year round and not just one day a year. Birthdays are weird, full of good and strange emotions but truly we never know how many we are going to get so we have to make the best of all of them. So, here's to my 20th year!!
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